My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
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