my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
