Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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