i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
