Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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