i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
We left the knife in your bed.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
