it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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