What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
