Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Randomize
