Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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