I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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