I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
