After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
