Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
