if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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