24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
