She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
