Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
