Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
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