he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Can I color on your dick again?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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