It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
