So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
