Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
