I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
