I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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