I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
