this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
