Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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