I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
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