I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
