Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
