a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
