i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
