the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
