guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
