p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
