i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Too much gin, very little bucket
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
