He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
