saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
