sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
