when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
