Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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