sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I'm having to shit out rocks
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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