i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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