I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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