i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
