i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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