hell yes lets make some ravioli
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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