Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
