I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
