Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
