We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
