I looked at my own cervix.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
