Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
