Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
