So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
