Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I'm bleeding and have questions
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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