All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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